Video Journal

i am thinking of starting a video journal, simply so i can vent my emotions or something. i dont know.

Advent of Departure

Well, as this part of my life is coming to its end, I don't know what to say or feel. A large, extremely large, portion of me is sad and depressed. I want stuff to end as my life is transitioning. Instead, i'm having to deal with things that only deepen the conflict. School is only the tip of the iceberg, a large nuisance. People, places, events, and feelings that I want to forget. To LET GO of and put into some dark corner of my mind. No, my heart betrays the logic of my mind and I find myself steadily getting more and more attached to people and places that I DO NOT want to get attached to or develop any sort of feelings for. I do not know what to do. Should I close off myself and put on a facade and just.... push through? Should I be more active and "terminate"? I find suicide a weekly contemplation. Always on the brink of my mind, not a serious notion, but a playful suggestion tickling at my consciousness with that tinge of viability. My mind says to cut everything off, cold hard logic dictates the smartest, least painful route. The sooner I cut off myself the sooner I can move on. However, my heart betrays my mind and I unfortunately do not. I live a world, trapped by my own heart wallowing in my own misery and desperation.

School

School!! hahaha. yea im workin on my Senior Paper right now, its an essay i need to be able to graduate. Ugh its going reaally slow lol hahaha

College-Beastmode!

ALRIGHT! IT IS AWESOME. So get this, late march (now) is the time of the all-important UC admit status reports. So little ol' me, with my 3.5 unweighted and 3.8 weighted, got into UC: Riverside, Santa Cruz, Irvine, Santa Barbara, Davis, and San Diego! UCSD AND UCD! HELL YEAH!!! I mean, many many peers with 4.1's, 4.2's, 4.3's and more ALL got rejected from UCSD and me and my 3.8 GOT IN! I mean, talk about academic beastmode. I'm actually legit curious about as to why i got admitted and others, with far more attractive (academically, more extra-currics, and etc) were not admitted. Maybe mine was more focused? I mean, I did concentrate on med school and doctor stuff. But still, others, such as my friend Jessica, had lots of art stuff, an art essay, and better academics got rejected. To top it off, I am asian. Still, 1) YES!!!!!!!!! 2) WHY?!?!?!. I am not trying to look a gift horse in the mouth, merely curious.

It's been a while ;)

it's been a while since i made an update. school has been pretty much bittersweet. its going well, but there's just so much stress you know? stuff to do and whatnot. personal probs pretty much worked out. still kinda miss kelsey tho. lol i think this may very well turn into a sort of online journal hahahaha. i might go and fool around with privacy settings (if there are any)

*sigh,,,,,,* fml

new post!

finally im almost done with college apps! although im a but questionable about my essay i think its alright, but im going to get feedback on it. lets see, nervous about school because of mock congress, i havent really gotten around to government work and im kind of falling behind, ill catch up this sunday.

The End of Summer

The beginning of summer i'd rate a 6 while i was experiencing it, but around a 7.5 in hindsight and retrospect. I may not have liked Denver or CU Boulder very much then, but i do now and i value the experience. Mid summer in china? It was OK, like always. The end of summer I would give a 9 or 10. Meeting a new friend and become great close friends with Kelsey was awesome and so was getting to talk to my old friends.

Critical Critic: On Health Care Reform

People need to stop their whining and nagging about national health care. It's never going to happen. Adding another $1,500,000,000,000 to our federal costs is not going to make anything bigger beyond a dent (with a dent defined herein as 6% of the pop). It has happend before. Under the Clinton administration, but it was revoked by congress 17 months later because the people whom were paying for it (not you, the person whining, but the wealthy) found out. 1.5 TRILLION dollars and extra taxes in a recession does sound well to the top money earners. No, you may not have to 7 figure salary they do, but you also dont have an income tax hovering around 40%. The cost for more than 6% of the population that needs national health care? Over $10,000,000,000,000.

Critical Critic: On Corn Ethanol

America is going all wrong about the whole corn ethanol thing, corn ethanol is allll wrong...
methanol and atrazine are produced and used (respectively) during the process of making corn ethanol and the side effects of both read like the side effects of narcotics: heart attacks, lung issues, mental health degeneration, etc... cancer...

and the amount of land we use needs to increase from 73M acres to 270+ million acres along with 95M Tonnes of atrazine per year.

and that does not include to increasing dead zone in the gulf of mexico that is a direct cause of atrazine...

*sigh* america sucks...