Video Journal

i am thinking of starting a video journal, simply so i can vent my emotions or something. i dont know.

Advent of Departure

Well, as this part of my life is coming to its end, I don't know what to say or feel. A large, extremely large, portion of me is sad and depressed. I want stuff to end as my life is transitioning. Instead, i'm having to deal with things that only deepen the conflict. School is only the tip of the iceberg, a large nuisance. People, places, events, and feelings that I want to forget. To LET GO of and put into some dark corner of my mind. No, my heart betrays the logic of my mind and I find myself steadily getting more and more attached to people and places that I DO NOT want to get attached to or develop any sort of feelings for. I do not know what to do. Should I close off myself and put on a facade and just.... push through? Should I be more active and "terminate"? I find suicide a weekly contemplation. Always on the brink of my mind, not a serious notion, but a playful suggestion tickling at my consciousness with that tinge of viability. My mind says to cut everything off, cold hard logic dictates the smartest, least painful route. The sooner I cut off myself the sooner I can move on. However, my heart betrays my mind and I unfortunately do not. I live a world, trapped by my own heart wallowing in my own misery and desperation.

School

School!! hahaha. yea im workin on my Senior Paper right now, its an essay i need to be able to graduate. Ugh its going reaally slow lol hahaha

College-Beastmode!

ALRIGHT! IT IS AWESOME. So get this, late march (now) is the time of the all-important UC admit status reports. So little ol' me, with my 3.5 unweighted and 3.8 weighted, got into UC: Riverside, Santa Cruz, Irvine, Santa Barbara, Davis, and San Diego! UCSD AND UCD! HELL YEAH!!! I mean, many many peers with 4.1's, 4.2's, 4.3's and more ALL got rejected from UCSD and me and my 3.8 GOT IN! I mean, talk about academic beastmode. I'm actually legit curious about as to why i got admitted and others, with far more attractive (academically, more extra-currics, and etc) were not admitted. Maybe mine was more focused? I mean, I did concentrate on med school and doctor stuff. But still, others, such as my friend Jessica, had lots of art stuff, an art essay, and better academics got rejected. To top it off, I am asian. Still, 1) YES!!!!!!!!! 2) WHY?!?!?!. I am not trying to look a gift horse in the mouth, merely curious.

It's been a while ;)

it's been a while since i made an update. school has been pretty much bittersweet. its going well, but there's just so much stress you know? stuff to do and whatnot. personal probs pretty much worked out. still kinda miss kelsey tho. lol i think this may very well turn into a sort of online journal hahahaha. i might go and fool around with privacy settings (if there are any)